Motorhead

KERRANG! magazine excerpt, December 21 2059

Anyone who was ever Motorhead fan (or a motorhead: same thing) knows that they are hard rock and rollers and they aren’t pacifists either.  But no one was prepared for their latest exploit: after forty-odd years of ‘posthumous’ accolades, though life-extension therapies and cloning science, Motorhead are back and rocking as hard and f***ing fast as ever.  Kerrang! secured an interview with the primal father of Motorhead, Lemmy Kilmister.

{the transcriber of this interview wanted us to let you know that he had a hard time making out what was going on in the tape our interviewer sent.  Many words were completely lost in guitar solos and bursts of heavy weapons fire}

Kerrang!:  Lemmy [incomprehensible gibberish, static]… so what the f***’s up with these cars man?

Lemmy: It’s simple, bub.  You come ‘out ‘ere in the boonies, surrounded by armed gangs, f***ed up corporate s***, and whatever, you need a little more than a few hundred watts, you know?  You need some serious f***ing amplification.

Kerrang!: What about the rumours we heard about clones?

Lemmy:  Ah’m not ashamed of bein’ a clown.  And rumours of there bein’ more than wanna me are greatly f***ing exeggarated, bub.

Kerrang!:  What would you say is the greatest contribution that building a squadron of armoured and armed vehicles has made to Motorhead’s music?

Lemmy: Well, it’s a way faster and way f***ing louder than it used to be.  And a lot more dangerous, if yer in the way.  And we get a lot more guys on stage than before.  And we don’t play on TV no more, yeh gotta be there live.  BYOFA: Bring yer own f***ing ammo and be ready to defend yerself,…

{at this point a sound identified by our consultant from Games’n’Guns Workshop Military Mfg. Inc. as a Phillips M-65 Rapid Fire Tank Gun fully dominates the audio track for forty-four seconds.  Raucous laughter follows immediately before the termination of the recording}